My gift is words. I have a plethora of them at my fingertips at all times, on my lips, in my mind.
Most times when I see something so beautiful that I lose control of my words, my little "presents-presence" I liken it to being hit with some sort of comet.
A smile, a laugh, the depth of the eyes on a beautiful creature of the opposite sex, the sadness, the restrained joy. In certain situations, my words run around like beheaded alien creatures, smashing in to my intentions and superseding my intelligence.
As of late, a person who has impacted me as such has inadvertently caused me to be suffering from foot in mouth disease and its terribly harmful to my very fragile ego. Is there anything worse than too much courage? When my need to make a positive impact or a connection can overstep the bounds of someone else's comfort zone. How selfish of me, my intense double scorpio energy standing up and demanding to be heard. Assuming that if my spidey senses are tingling this other individuals must be too. Aha! but, all too often we make the cruel mistake of having no facts to base these feelings on. Emotions are a stand alone function, not pertaining directly to solid fact.
Catching myself after a couple drinks or a relaxing evening alone reaching out and saying the wrong thing of alone to quench my own loneliness.
Kindred as it may seem to me, and as much as I just want to see joy dance in the depth of someones beautiful eyes, it mean its up to me, or even an option, or even a future possibility. Yet again humbled, and simply grateful for the muse I have been given in the meantime.
tinglinh, ither
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Online diary, rip your guts out, the blood is on the dancefloor...
A hiatus you say?
So early into what I can only one day imagine will become and illustrious and would be highly acclaimed blogging career, I took a break.
**GASP**
*Shudder* You dont say?!?!
Ya, well I got sidetracked, happens often to us a.d.d, art fag, low focus/big flash types. I got a little lost, My goals fell apart slowly and work tried to creep in as my number one. Since we have all been told to adhere to the roles set out for us, I gave it a try...but what the corporate monster and the cog's in the wheel wanted from me I was not willing to give, its just not how I'm built baby.
It ate my soul, so I quit.
HA!
Then, I went out, got good and wasted with some of my most inspiring loves, sang, laughed, free stlye rapped (no one ever wants to hear that, by the way) and woke up on Monday set to do what I would be doing without a "schedule" of some other monsters demands.
I went to the gym, I finally went to the addicted to fitness class I talk about earlier in this blog, it was INSANE, I was not prepared for how out of shape I actually am, especially after 9am vodka drinks the weekend before. Oh shit....So it hurt, a lot, but I did it, and I felt amazing. The next day I woke up to a beautiful bright sun rapping against the shutters begging for me to come bask with my canine friend.
So I DID THAT TOO!!! I went for a two hour hike/walk with my roommates dog and my new best friend ever, Kaslo. We did some over due exploring both yesterday and today that brought my mind and body and soul to a super positive happy place.
To make things even better over the course of 5 days, I know what I wanna be when I grow up and have an admissions interview on monday at a school here. Im reactivating my commitment to my one true love (which is MUSIC and sharing it with people - animals tie, but since I cant work anywhere where they could potentially die, music is more suited for a career)
What about money you ask? Well thats a good question, I have a few odd jobs lined up and a little nest egg to fall back on (say what you want about working for the man, but those greed obsessed money mongers are good at paying the "help") I've promised myself that the next place I commit to will not have me selling my soul to get ahead in the very world that is destroying this planet. Being saturated with the ignorance that that sort of "business" grows actually made me have some suicidal thoughts, haha try that shit on for bad day at work. I'm not entirely serious, but I did have more than one night of crying myself to sleep and contemplating using some very illegal narcotics to help ease the pain of being stuck in a no light tunnel.
Enough with the dark, it is banished and I have been given so MANY unreal blessings in this life that I can't even begin, I have an angel on my side who was mine in life and in her earthly death, and I feel her pulling the lighted stars out of my soul and tossing them into the path ahead for me to follow. I randomly connected with a sweet male friend who has known tragedy in his life, and his selfless sharing of his own experiences helped me in a deep and beautiful way too. I'm going to be better than ok, I don't think I have ever felt so ALIVE in my life.
In fact the only tears I have now are ones of joy, and knowing tomorrow I will go out, and in some way shape or form nuture my health and wellness. That makes life even better. Its going to be hard, and scary at times, but thats life, and I'm loving living it.
Im back blog-o-sphere, and I'm coming to inspire your soul.
So early into what I can only one day imagine will become and illustrious and would be highly acclaimed blogging career, I took a break.
**GASP**
*Shudder* You dont say?!?!
Ya, well I got sidetracked, happens often to us a.d.d, art fag, low focus/big flash types. I got a little lost, My goals fell apart slowly and work tried to creep in as my number one. Since we have all been told to adhere to the roles set out for us, I gave it a try...but what the corporate monster and the cog's in the wheel wanted from me I was not willing to give, its just not how I'm built baby.
It ate my soul, so I quit.
HA!
Then, I went out, got good and wasted with some of my most inspiring loves, sang, laughed, free stlye rapped (no one ever wants to hear that, by the way) and woke up on Monday set to do what I would be doing without a "schedule" of some other monsters demands.
I went to the gym, I finally went to the addicted to fitness class I talk about earlier in this blog, it was INSANE, I was not prepared for how out of shape I actually am, especially after 9am vodka drinks the weekend before. Oh shit....So it hurt, a lot, but I did it, and I felt amazing. The next day I woke up to a beautiful bright sun rapping against the shutters begging for me to come bask with my canine friend.
To make things even better over the course of 5 days, I know what I wanna be when I grow up and have an admissions interview on monday at a school here. Im reactivating my commitment to my one true love (which is MUSIC and sharing it with people - animals tie, but since I cant work anywhere where they could potentially die, music is more suited for a career)
What about money you ask? Well thats a good question, I have a few odd jobs lined up and a little nest egg to fall back on (say what you want about working for the man, but those greed obsessed money mongers are good at paying the "help") I've promised myself that the next place I commit to will not have me selling my soul to get ahead in the very world that is destroying this planet. Being saturated with the ignorance that that sort of "business" grows actually made me have some suicidal thoughts, haha try that shit on for bad day at work. I'm not entirely serious, but I did have more than one night of crying myself to sleep and contemplating using some very illegal narcotics to help ease the pain of being stuck in a no light tunnel.
Enough with the dark, it is banished and I have been given so MANY unreal blessings in this life that I can't even begin, I have an angel on my side who was mine in life and in her earthly death, and I feel her pulling the lighted stars out of my soul and tossing them into the path ahead for me to follow. I randomly connected with a sweet male friend who has known tragedy in his life, and his selfless sharing of his own experiences helped me in a deep and beautiful way too. I'm going to be better than ok, I don't think I have ever felt so ALIVE in my life.
In fact the only tears I have now are ones of joy, and knowing tomorrow I will go out, and in some way shape or form nuture my health and wellness. That makes life even better. Its going to be hard, and scary at times, but thats life, and I'm loving living it.
Im back blog-o-sphere, and I'm coming to inspire your soul.
Friday, 20 January 2012
Old poetry.
Its so strange. To want to ask you to come to the comic store.
(did you even think that maybe the doors will be locked?)
(is it even open on a sunday?)
*I've always felt this way.
*Is this what I have always done best? better than anyone else?
My streaming consciousness, falling down like water, but a silent murky version.
Dense, filled with tiny specs of color so very far from the clarity of cool life.
In the very far corner of my mind, I wonder if my hair is growing long so i can impress you.
You.
You.
My duality is such that I'm imprisoned in this piteous pale flesh.
Every room is too bright.
I'm hiding behind so much more than a gradient lens.
Each material thing to grace my fingers this week has turned to art.
Wasn't this what I was searching for when I stumbled upon your far superior and finely tuned mind?
Fuck.
Yes.
Yes.
As if by a divine grace.
(did you even think that maybe the doors will be locked?)
(is it even open on a sunday?)
*I've always felt this way.
*Is this what I have always done best? better than anyone else?
My streaming consciousness, falling down like water, but a silent murky version.
Dense, filled with tiny specs of color so very far from the clarity of cool life.
In the very far corner of my mind, I wonder if my hair is growing long so i can impress you.
You.
You.
My duality is such that I'm imprisoned in this piteous pale flesh.
Every room is too bright.
I'm hiding behind so much more than a gradient lens.
Each material thing to grace my fingers this week has turned to art.
Wasn't this what I was searching for when I stumbled upon your far superior and finely tuned mind?
Fuck.
Yes.
Yes.
As if by a divine grace.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
It begins.
I'm happy to announce I've spent the last two days FINALLY in the gym. Its saddens me to come to the realization that I am a little squishier than I had realized. However, I'm doing it, and its been great to get up earlier than noon, which I haven't been doing for some time now. I feel so lazy and heavy and out of shape, its pretty terrible actually so saddened by my lack of cardio capacity. Its amazing how quickly it can degenerate with little to no regard for it for a long time......
I also indulged in five beer on Friday night, TERRIBLE idea, made me feel so sick and that combined with me losing my voice from really givin' er at work last week made for a less than awesome Saturday where I totally gave in and ate junk literally all day. To say I'm an emotional eater is putting it lightly, my cravings are always combined with how I feel and even though I have done enough nutritional learning to know what each of them indicates I am missing in my diet, its easier to give in than try to not.
So after my day at the gym yesterday, I invested in some smart dietary supplies to help ease this weight loss issue,
1.Stevia an awesome all natural sweetener that comes in a handy little bottle I can carry with my for tea and coffee (addictions of the caffeine variety are one I can't seem to live with out)
2. New LuLu's which, my ass doesnt look as awesome in as it used to but they are multi purpose making it easy for me to wear them to work without getting in trouble for wearing a workout pant, plus they look totally cute with my suede boots.
3. A 7 day cleanse (similar to this one, i will go back and edit this when I find the one Im actually on) 7 day cleanse link
4. A new gym, that is open until 10:30. FINALLY- I really still want to try the addicted to fitness gym that I had intended to originally join, but due to work and gym buddy restrictions this fits better and its close enough to walk to. New gym....
Tomorrow I will weigh myself and see exactly what im working with here, not excited for that, but also sort of am. Rome wasnt built in a day and neither is a healthy, strong, hot bod.
:)
I also indulged in five beer on Friday night, TERRIBLE idea, made me feel so sick and that combined with me losing my voice from really givin' er at work last week made for a less than awesome Saturday where I totally gave in and ate junk literally all day. To say I'm an emotional eater is putting it lightly, my cravings are always combined with how I feel and even though I have done enough nutritional learning to know what each of them indicates I am missing in my diet, its easier to give in than try to not.
So after my day at the gym yesterday, I invested in some smart dietary supplies to help ease this weight loss issue,
1.Stevia an awesome all natural sweetener that comes in a handy little bottle I can carry with my for tea and coffee (addictions of the caffeine variety are one I can't seem to live with out)
2. New LuLu's which, my ass doesnt look as awesome in as it used to but they are multi purpose making it easy for me to wear them to work without getting in trouble for wearing a workout pant, plus they look totally cute with my suede boots.
3. A 7 day cleanse (similar to this one, i will go back and edit this when I find the one Im actually on) 7 day cleanse link
4. A new gym, that is open until 10:30. FINALLY- I really still want to try the addicted to fitness gym that I had intended to originally join, but due to work and gym buddy restrictions this fits better and its close enough to walk to. New gym....
Tomorrow I will weigh myself and see exactly what im working with here, not excited for that, but also sort of am. Rome wasnt built in a day and neither is a healthy, strong, hot bod.
:)
Friday, 13 January 2012
I wonder if something is wrong with me
I don't have the desire to have children, and I'm beginning to wonder if getting married is something I'd ever want too. Never dreamt about those things as a kid, instead I really wanted to be the girl g.i joe that could change color when you put her in water. I wouldn't have argued with being a mermaid either, as long as I could control the times I could spontaneously switch to land legs.
Thats that for tonight, my skin is dry and scaly from the winter and I fear I will awake a lizard.
Thats that for tonight, my skin is dry and scaly from the winter and I fear I will awake a lizard.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
to blog or not to blog, Shakespeare do you read me.
I've sure read a lot of him. Actually in high school I think my mind lived more in the reality of a brilliant tale weaver that died in 1616 than I did the world of a chubby, awkward, popular enough not to get tormented me.
I wasn't going to blog tonight, actually I prefer to be sleeping by 2am, but, art weirdos don't do sleep well. We have issues, the kind that spark our most brilliant moments in the calm serene silence of the deep of night, or if you will the break of a new day. Often I'm left wondering if I'm chasing this pure silence solely to coral the bumper car thoughts I experience at like 32trillion bpm on any given day.
The good news, my lap top has finally decided its no longer European and I can use the " and the ' without them turning into a decidedly french e. My lap top is a teenage hipster that wants to shave the side of its imaginary head, download weird bands with weird song titles, and go find itself on the streets of Amsterdam after hours. Too bad I love her too much to let her go.
Today brought me no physical fitness, besides a torturous brisk as all hell walk to meet a fellow creative lefty for coffee, and what turned into some excellent surprise soup and the acquisition of a newly most prized possession (so many s's in possession I feel as though in a past life the word must have been a snake) My personally autographed novel from Chuck. (first name basis, sure; we've held the same object, he has willingly complied to the self given spelling of an otherwise regular white chick name, I am validated beyond measure for having both these things happen while I live and breath)
Here is the solid evidence that it is mine, complete with a cameo from my tattoos and over manicured claws. The better part about the way I got this book, its part of a bigger picture project about giving and sharing good simple considerate loving deeds with mankind. Ill explain what I have gotten myself into with this soon, but have to keep it to a minimum as to not accidentally spill the super awesome beans prematurely.
Not only is this signed but one of the greatest authors (in my mind) that has ever been, but it was an incredibly personally conspicuous story, it deals on a grandiose scale with the issues I have expressed already that are as much a part of me as my sea foam green eyes, or say type O positive blood.
If you haven't read it, do, the impact it has plastered in my soul is a permanent one.
On Saturday on the recommendation of a brilliant beautiful friend I will be purchasing a new Margaret Atwood novel, an author who with her realistically biting style has scared the bejesus out of me in the past simply by being, well, real.
I haven't read Atwood in a long time, actually I haven't cracked a book since September 25th of last year. An unforeseen tragedy took someone from me this year that was the first person I ever remember "wanting to be when I grew up" and who, ultimately has given me the courage to start sharing my art. Even the title of this blog is an homage to her fascinatingly gracious life, some people simply draw a perfectly timed breath becomes art, and each one of hers were nothing short of awe inspiring beauty and strength. I find reading a terribly personal time, and with a sorrow filled mind it has been very hard to find the silence inside to not come up with a whole lot of sad. The worst part of losing a kindred soul, is feeling like you've also lost the times shared, the words uttered in calm and giving confidence and knowing they have had your back implicitly since you first arrived on the planet. Letting go of dreams and plans made because "you'd make time to see each other soon!! I promise!" and stopping to realize even if you want to so so badly it aches you can't ease the pain of the people she loved most. Tragedy so beautiful and cruel old Willy S couldn't even make light.
But I digress, hers is not a life lived without immeasurable inspiration and beauty, and as she has been since I have known the world she will guide me to be a mere shadow of the positivity and brilliance of what she is, was, and will eternally be.
Loves knows not the death of the body, because love lives outside of the mortal coils of time.
Im moderately jealous, because if there is some excellent fantastic afterlife party, let it be known that Merrick is top five on the guest list, sipping cocktails with Monroe and Hendrix and discussing shape, color and evolution of art with Michaelangelo.
And, word on the street is, however hottest a true babes bod was in her life, thats how you permanently look in heaven, there you go again love, setting that bar so god damned high.
call sign starbuck, in search of slumber.....xoh
I wasn't going to blog tonight, actually I prefer to be sleeping by 2am, but, art weirdos don't do sleep well. We have issues, the kind that spark our most brilliant moments in the calm serene silence of the deep of night, or if you will the break of a new day. Often I'm left wondering if I'm chasing this pure silence solely to coral the bumper car thoughts I experience at like 32trillion bpm on any given day.
The good news, my lap top has finally decided its no longer European and I can use the " and the ' without them turning into a decidedly french e. My lap top is a teenage hipster that wants to shave the side of its imaginary head, download weird bands with weird song titles, and go find itself on the streets of Amsterdam after hours. Too bad I love her too much to let her go.
Today brought me no physical fitness, besides a torturous brisk as all hell walk to meet a fellow creative lefty for coffee, and what turned into some excellent surprise soup and the acquisition of a newly most prized possession (so many s's in possession I feel as though in a past life the word must have been a snake) My personally autographed novel from Chuck. (first name basis, sure; we've held the same object, he has willingly complied to the self given spelling of an otherwise regular white chick name, I am validated beyond measure for having both these things happen while I live and breath)
Not only is this signed but one of the greatest authors (in my mind) that has ever been, but it was an incredibly personally conspicuous story, it deals on a grandiose scale with the issues I have expressed already that are as much a part of me as my sea foam green eyes, or say type O positive blood.
If you haven't read it, do, the impact it has plastered in my soul is a permanent one.
On Saturday on the recommendation of a brilliant beautiful friend I will be purchasing a new Margaret Atwood novel, an author who with her realistically biting style has scared the bejesus out of me in the past simply by being, well, real.
I haven't read Atwood in a long time, actually I haven't cracked a book since September 25th of last year. An unforeseen tragedy took someone from me this year that was the first person I ever remember "wanting to be when I grew up" and who, ultimately has given me the courage to start sharing my art. Even the title of this blog is an homage to her fascinatingly gracious life, some people simply draw a perfectly timed breath becomes art, and each one of hers were nothing short of awe inspiring beauty and strength. I find reading a terribly personal time, and with a sorrow filled mind it has been very hard to find the silence inside to not come up with a whole lot of sad. The worst part of losing a kindred soul, is feeling like you've also lost the times shared, the words uttered in calm and giving confidence and knowing they have had your back implicitly since you first arrived on the planet. Letting go of dreams and plans made because "you'd make time to see each other soon!! I promise!" and stopping to realize even if you want to so so badly it aches you can't ease the pain of the people she loved most. Tragedy so beautiful and cruel old Willy S couldn't even make light.
But I digress, hers is not a life lived without immeasurable inspiration and beauty, and as she has been since I have known the world she will guide me to be a mere shadow of the positivity and brilliance of what she is, was, and will eternally be.
Loves knows not the death of the body, because love lives outside of the mortal coils of time.
Im moderately jealous, because if there is some excellent fantastic afterlife party, let it be known that Merrick is top five on the guest list, sipping cocktails with Monroe and Hendrix and discussing shape, color and evolution of art with Michaelangelo.
And, word on the street is, however hottest a true babes bod was in her life, thats how you permanently look in heaven, there you go again love, setting that bar so god damned high.
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
I need a pet
Sitting up late at night crying over the adds of animals that need homes, blurred teary vision due to the depictions of abuse and neglect. Of the tongue in cheek things I'm going to say on here I want a few things to be very clear to my reader about my character:
A: Silly as people may think this sounds, I value the lives of almost all animals-(rabid killing machines, not so much, still I have compassion) over all else, I'm far more fond of animals than people more often than not would prefer the company of a fur dweller to a fleshy naked one.
B: Human rights are for all humans, I can joke about a lot of shit, but I am VERY aware and open to every "walk" of life, and have zero patience for gay bashers, homo and trans phobic people, or people who imply I would stand for that sort of bullshit. There is ONE race and thats the human race, even though old chinese ladies seem to hate me, just sayin' (humor people, that's humor)
C: Even though this blog initiated as a way for me to chronicle my own physical changes, I am compassionate to the challenges others under go and am GRATEFUL for the body and mind I have, and my ability to make changes to it and train it to be a better stronger healthier version. I want to help people understand everyone has hang ups, I'm just brave enough to put mine out there attached to my name. I have no tolerance for bullies and nay sayers, if you wanna do something, do it, I'll cheer you on if I like you and even if I don't I'll still have an appreciation for the struggle.
My best friend is a cat, and is living with my Mom and Brother in a far better environment than I can provide for her, just so you know, when I grow up I'm gonna be her ^
A: Silly as people may think this sounds, I value the lives of almost all animals-(rabid killing machines, not so much, still I have compassion) over all else, I'm far more fond of animals than people more often than not would prefer the company of a fur dweller to a fleshy naked one.
B: Human rights are for all humans, I can joke about a lot of shit, but I am VERY aware and open to every "walk" of life, and have zero patience for gay bashers, homo and trans phobic people, or people who imply I would stand for that sort of bullshit. There is ONE race and thats the human race, even though old chinese ladies seem to hate me, just sayin' (humor people, that's humor)
C: Even though this blog initiated as a way for me to chronicle my own physical changes, I am compassionate to the challenges others under go and am GRATEFUL for the body and mind I have, and my ability to make changes to it and train it to be a better stronger healthier version. I want to help people understand everyone has hang ups, I'm just brave enough to put mine out there attached to my name. I have no tolerance for bullies and nay sayers, if you wanna do something, do it, I'll cheer you on if I like you and even if I don't I'll still have an appreciation for the struggle.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Things going well, things going great.
I Khate Thrace, Internet addict and would be renegade writer, take you Health to be my lawfully wedded wife, life? Hmmmmmm.
My sore throat is all but a memory, aside from a few small frogs in it, I dare say I'm almost ready to get back in gear towards the operative of this master plan. Work is great, I'm really blessed to work for a company that values me, and foots the bill for me to be healthy. I will be taking advantage of an infrared sauna and massage on them this Saturday, after putting in some weekend time to show them how very much I appreciate all they do.
I think this last illness, coming when it did, after a two day party bonanza featuring some super hot dude with no shirt and all of my favorite usual suspects, played its part. That part being to show me, fun is good, but when it affects your future its not fun anymore, its a fucking virus (har har har) I've said it before and Ill say it again, as legendary as boxing day in Nelson B.C is, it certainly isn't for the faint of heart. I even out partied my own jedi master this year, Billy, you best be mo-effing proud.
For those of you who like to rock, here is the mix from two of the coolest motherfuckers this side of the equator, share it with your friends, and please, dance half naked or fully naked to it where ever you desire (without getting arrested). Django and Billy Bangers BOOM
Back to the challenge at hand, I don't own a scale but my nourishment choices this past week have not been very good, sodium filled soups, and salt salt salt. I feel like the stay puffed marshmallow man from ghost busters, if you dont get that dated but still awesome reference, here you go....
Im almost afraid to start moving this lazy ass, I'm adding new heart thumping beats and offering myself some incentives to get moving, if, I can get at least an hour of cardio in before thursday, these are mine.....I suspect if i can't they will end up on my face anyway, but, im trying...
Also, two very amazing things have happened in the last week that I feel are noteworthy and shareable. A good new friend of mine has granted me a magic wish, and due to his business being amazing and his heart being gold, I am the proud owner of an autographed book by one of my absolute hero's in prose.. Chuck Palahniuk knows my name, and wrote it on a copy of my favorite title by him, AWESOME. I'm like the kid that got picked first for dodgeball = ruling at life.
Number two; one of my old dear friends and I randomly connected on facebook last night and his band is coming here in two Sundays, AWESOME. Check em out WITHDRAWAL. Sick real as it gets hardcore loc's doing their thing. Can't wait to see Jay and have our xawesomescenekidswewerex reunion.
So much of this fight is going to be in my mind, to get fully healthy, to stay fully healthy, to not fall off the ledge and end up getting stuck inside to vortex of my pretty blonde head. Blonde, WITH THE E. I wish I could say my ideal isnt a super fucked society created bombshell, but, if its make you happy, it can't be that bad.
My sore throat is all but a memory, aside from a few small frogs in it, I dare say I'm almost ready to get back in gear towards the operative of this master plan. Work is great, I'm really blessed to work for a company that values me, and foots the bill for me to be healthy. I will be taking advantage of an infrared sauna and massage on them this Saturday, after putting in some weekend time to show them how very much I appreciate all they do.
I think this last illness, coming when it did, after a two day party bonanza featuring some super hot dude with no shirt and all of my favorite usual suspects, played its part. That part being to show me, fun is good, but when it affects your future its not fun anymore, its a fucking virus (har har har) I've said it before and Ill say it again, as legendary as boxing day in Nelson B.C is, it certainly isn't for the faint of heart. I even out partied my own jedi master this year, Billy, you best be mo-effing proud.
For those of you who like to rock, here is the mix from two of the coolest motherfuckers this side of the equator, share it with your friends, and please, dance half naked or fully naked to it where ever you desire (without getting arrested). Django and Billy Bangers BOOM
Back to the challenge at hand, I don't own a scale but my nourishment choices this past week have not been very good, sodium filled soups, and salt salt salt. I feel like the stay puffed marshmallow man from ghost busters, if you dont get that dated but still awesome reference, here you go....
Im almost afraid to start moving this lazy ass, I'm adding new heart thumping beats and offering myself some incentives to get moving, if, I can get at least an hour of cardio in before thursday, these are mine.....I suspect if i can't they will end up on my face anyway, but, im trying...
Also, two very amazing things have happened in the last week that I feel are noteworthy and shareable. A good new friend of mine has granted me a magic wish, and due to his business being amazing and his heart being gold, I am the proud owner of an autographed book by one of my absolute hero's in prose.. Chuck Palahniuk knows my name, and wrote it on a copy of my favorite title by him, AWESOME. I'm like the kid that got picked first for dodgeball = ruling at life.
So much of this fight is going to be in my mind, to get fully healthy, to stay fully healthy, to not fall off the ledge and end up getting stuck inside to vortex of my pretty blonde head. Blonde, WITH THE E. I wish I could say my ideal isnt a super fucked society created bombshell, but, if its make you happy, it can't be that bad.
Monday, 9 January 2012
its alive!
Want to waste an afternoon kids?
Then let me suggest sitting in a waiting room for a moderately incompetent Dr. to have them tell you well somethings wrong, but we need to do a blood test, and to do that we must send you across the city to another dirty hole in the ground filled with sick people. Oh Canada, I appreciate the stellar health care, I do, I really do, but can I not keep getting stuck with Dr. Whogivesashit, or Dr. Youlookhealthytome.
For the record doc, i'm fish belly cold corpse blue pink, this shit is bronzer you see faking a flush in my cheeks.
Alas i am still ill-ish, but my attitude is alive and well, kicking around like the cranky sarcastic snot bag I've grown so selfishly to be.....O.k, thats not entirely true, but my visit to the doctor taught me one thing and one thing only, I do have to decide to be well, so I have. This evening I issued my cold is walking papers and have given it 48 hours to vacate the premises. If anything can beat this its my mind. So I am going to resort to being creative, headstrong, and resolute in the way I deal with this illness, its in my way, and can no longer be, so it MUST LEAVE.
This week is going to be awesome, full of fun and smiles, and me as a zombie, then next week when Im not dizzy from simply getting up and walking to the fridge, its fitness first time.
I feel like the walking dead but can fake it with a whitestrip smile and a lot of contrast. If only things were what they seem....but then again that may ruin the mystique and the beloved journey of discovering the polish, more often than not, can never shine the dirt out of some things.
theme song for telling anything to beat it....
What I really feel like doing to this cold as displayed by my good friend Barbie....... further enforcing my belief that you can make anything cute with blonde and a big smile. Bet those bitches are sorry they ever called her fat.
Then let me suggest sitting in a waiting room for a moderately incompetent Dr. to have them tell you well somethings wrong, but we need to do a blood test, and to do that we must send you across the city to another dirty hole in the ground filled with sick people. Oh Canada, I appreciate the stellar health care, I do, I really do, but can I not keep getting stuck with Dr. Whogivesashit, or Dr. Youlookhealthytome.
For the record doc, i'm fish belly cold corpse blue pink, this shit is bronzer you see faking a flush in my cheeks.
Alas i am still ill-ish, but my attitude is alive and well, kicking around like the cranky sarcastic snot bag I've grown so selfishly to be.....O.k, thats not entirely true, but my visit to the doctor taught me one thing and one thing only, I do have to decide to be well, so I have. This evening I issued my cold is walking papers and have given it 48 hours to vacate the premises. If anything can beat this its my mind. So I am going to resort to being creative, headstrong, and resolute in the way I deal with this illness, its in my way, and can no longer be, so it MUST LEAVE.
This week is going to be awesome, full of fun and smiles, and me as a zombie, then next week when Im not dizzy from simply getting up and walking to the fridge, its fitness first time.
theme song for telling anything to beat it....
Sunday, 8 January 2012
hiatus, comfort, and clarity.
So it seems I took a day or two away from le blog. As you may or may not know it was entirely due to wallowing in my own self pity that I have indeed had a nasty blast of strep throat. Ew, ew, ew, least favorite malady aside from food poisoning, which, (please baby jesus) I hope i never ever get again.
In the last 48 hours I haven't done much of anything overly exciting to write about, besides spending an incredible amount of time sleeping and moping about like a sick kitten without warm milk. I took a leisurely walk in fresh snow to get soup (my staple food for the last week, and potentially something I will be swearing off after this passes) which was indeed, the highlight of my weekend.
In other news that may be important only to me and a handful of others, my beloved canucks beat the boston bruins in their first battle of the season. If you don't know how vital this is to a true blue fan, well then, dont worry about it, its not like its gonna save the world. Best/worst thing about that last sentence however, is I slept through the whole game and still haven't seen it with my own two eyes. I clocked a staggering 20 hours of shut eye on friday-night-saturday-day. Waking up to a world where my boys beat boston, well, it almost brings a tear to this die hards eye.
The thing I have found strangest of this last week with my ultra destructive strep nemisis has been my undying craving for sugar. Insofar as to send me packing through the snow with the ruse to get soup and other nutritionally sound items, but really it was to acquire a dr. pepper and some "fat free" skim milk ice cream to soothe the sandpaper party going on in the otherwise soft tissue of my throat. All the while I'm thinking, maybe my body got sick because its afraid of getting in shape? Is that possible? Can that even happen?
As a good friend pointed out today when I was facebook whining about my illness misfortune, and personifying this sickness into an orc I could physically slay; positive thoughts become things, thoughts are things, so watch where you point the proverbial sword. So, this week I will become well with the aid on antibiotics and smiles and rainbows and all that other shit that makes us think posi. I will take walks outdoors and maybe hit a treadmill somewhere too, because brief setback and illness aside, i am so ready for this physical challenge I can hear my muscles pre partying when I go to sleep at night. My body wants to go, fight, win, and my mind wants to as well. At least the two aren't at odds with one another, and the dark "you are fat, you cant do this, you wont change" thoughts that circle the drain are, for the most part, down it.
Tomorrow depending on how I feel when I return from waiting in walk in clinic hell, I will decide whether or not working is a good idea (I am one of those horribly lucky folks that enjoys her work and its not just due to the terribly witty hot boss I have (more on that later) without actually identifying said person, other than he is a boy, with really pretty eyes and is almost as funny as me.) I always want to work, but due to the fact that it is a position where what I do is talk, it may be against my better judgment. Like with most things in my life I tend to push myself so far that its often beyond the brink of what is physically possible and I end up coughing up blood on the weekend like Val Kilmer in Tombstone (watch it if you haven't, great film)
I'm excited to get an estimate from the doctor of when I can get sweating, and that will potentially be the perceived highlight of my upcoming week, even though (universe if you are listening) I'm open to all sorts of awesome. At least my newest art acquisition is healing well, even though itchy as eff, as pictured above, look forward to some tattoo themed rants from me too, its true, once you pop, you cant stop.
In the last 48 hours I haven't done much of anything overly exciting to write about, besides spending an incredible amount of time sleeping and moping about like a sick kitten without warm milk. I took a leisurely walk in fresh snow to get soup (my staple food for the last week, and potentially something I will be swearing off after this passes) which was indeed, the highlight of my weekend.
In other news that may be important only to me and a handful of others, my beloved canucks beat the boston bruins in their first battle of the season. If you don't know how vital this is to a true blue fan, well then, dont worry about it, its not like its gonna save the world. Best/worst thing about that last sentence however, is I slept through the whole game and still haven't seen it with my own two eyes. I clocked a staggering 20 hours of shut eye on friday-night-saturday-day. Waking up to a world where my boys beat boston, well, it almost brings a tear to this die hards eye.
The thing I have found strangest of this last week with my ultra destructive strep nemisis has been my undying craving for sugar. Insofar as to send me packing through the snow with the ruse to get soup and other nutritionally sound items, but really it was to acquire a dr. pepper and some "fat free" skim milk ice cream to soothe the sandpaper party going on in the otherwise soft tissue of my throat. All the while I'm thinking, maybe my body got sick because its afraid of getting in shape? Is that possible? Can that even happen?
As a good friend pointed out today when I was facebook whining about my illness misfortune, and personifying this sickness into an orc I could physically slay; positive thoughts become things, thoughts are things, so watch where you point the proverbial sword. So, this week I will become well with the aid on antibiotics and smiles and rainbows and all that other shit that makes us think posi. I will take walks outdoors and maybe hit a treadmill somewhere too, because brief setback and illness aside, i am so ready for this physical challenge I can hear my muscles pre partying when I go to sleep at night. My body wants to go, fight, win, and my mind wants to as well. At least the two aren't at odds with one another, and the dark "you are fat, you cant do this, you wont change" thoughts that circle the drain are, for the most part, down it.
Tomorrow depending on how I feel when I return from waiting in walk in clinic hell, I will decide whether or not working is a good idea (I am one of those horribly lucky folks that enjoys her work and its not just due to the terribly witty hot boss I have (more on that later) without actually identifying said person, other than he is a boy, with really pretty eyes and is almost as funny as me.) I always want to work, but due to the fact that it is a position where what I do is talk, it may be against my better judgment. Like with most things in my life I tend to push myself so far that its often beyond the brink of what is physically possible and I end up coughing up blood on the weekend like Val Kilmer in Tombstone (watch it if you haven't, great film)
Thursday, 5 January 2012
its late, and im high?
Nyquil, this shit should be sold on street corners, Im going to keep tonights post short and sweet as I am feeling a little out of sorts due to the dosage of Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide and Acetaminophen that is currently rock star party surging through my veins. Is it weird that I read that back to myself and I think is, "meth? oh fuck, that can not be good" Fortunately my street drug one oh one schooling tells me that meth makes you faster, and I certainly am nothing but 70's stoner slow right now.
Clearly my need to share my perceived stonedness (now a world because grammar and language rules don't apply to blogs, it is after all the "graffiti of the writers world" ) indicates that I am still sicker than I would like to be as I approach the launch of my fitness around the world tour 2012 (that will be the informal name until the symbol copyrights are approved then I'll douche it up another level and rock a symbol like I am indeed that pretentious and lame)
The bright side to this illness? Instilling the fear of all the gods into the core of my soul that the party and I will need a solid break up until I'm done the work I need to do in order to face myself in the mirror and be validated. I have a billion gorgeous sexy ideas I want to strip down and expose to you, my friends and potentially foes, (if any of my perceived foes do stumble upon this, I forgive you, but I certainly will never cry if someone cuts your head off with a serrated seal harpoon and proceeds to fuck the wound....thank you Slipknot) Alas there won't be much of an exposure tonight as I am clearly about as sharp as a tac thats been reused five or six times. I'm turning to a healthy diet, lots of good metal and heart pumping hockey action until I feel good enough to run. As soon as I do the metal will be forcing my feet to pound the shit out of the Kelowna waterline for the 48 hours prior to my challenge start.
Just the thought of that has my quads starting to burn and my lungs itch with fresh sharp air.
One of the girls at my work told me today "you are already tiny, you don't need to lose any weight" It stopped me for a second and took me aback thinking that someone would describe me as such when I feel so out of shape and lazy. I think the fact that she is 6 months pregnant probably makes me seem smaller than I am, but again its not about that. Its about the fact that if I was kidnapped by spys and had to fight my way out of their grasp, it would be like fighting a great white with a over cooked noodle. That and I want to look so good in a bikini this summer, that I don't give a shit how small it is.
The physical strength I am about to cultivate is nothing compared to what is about to go on in my mind and my soul. The essence of oneself goes through such a change along side the body that its almost scary to think about, so many examples shoot through my mind, a warrior in a native tribe of an ancestor of mine, my grandfather(s) after their military training before the wars they fought in..I could go on. I'm not trying to liken myself to that level of transformation because the depths of that are far beyond my menial comprehension, but I am so geared up for this one on one battle with myself, even this sick I can't stop smiling.
Call sign Starbuck, out.
Clearly my need to share my perceived stonedness (now a world because grammar and language rules don't apply to blogs, it is after all the "graffiti of the writers world" ) indicates that I am still sicker than I would like to be as I approach the launch of my fitness around the world tour 2012 (that will be the informal name until the symbol copyrights are approved then I'll douche it up another level and rock a symbol like I am indeed that pretentious and lame)
The bright side to this illness? Instilling the fear of all the gods into the core of my soul that the party and I will need a solid break up until I'm done the work I need to do in order to face myself in the mirror and be validated. I have a billion gorgeous sexy ideas I want to strip down and expose to you, my friends and potentially foes, (if any of my perceived foes do stumble upon this, I forgive you, but I certainly will never cry if someone cuts your head off with a serrated seal harpoon and proceeds to fuck the wound....thank you Slipknot) Alas there won't be much of an exposure tonight as I am clearly about as sharp as a tac thats been reused five or six times. I'm turning to a healthy diet, lots of good metal and heart pumping hockey action until I feel good enough to run. As soon as I do the metal will be forcing my feet to pound the shit out of the Kelowna waterline for the 48 hours prior to my challenge start.
Just the thought of that has my quads starting to burn and my lungs itch with fresh sharp air.
One of the girls at my work told me today "you are already tiny, you don't need to lose any weight" It stopped me for a second and took me aback thinking that someone would describe me as such when I feel so out of shape and lazy. I think the fact that she is 6 months pregnant probably makes me seem smaller than I am, but again its not about that. Its about the fact that if I was kidnapped by spys and had to fight my way out of their grasp, it would be like fighting a great white with a over cooked noodle. That and I want to look so good in a bikini this summer, that I don't give a shit how small it is.
The physical strength I am about to cultivate is nothing compared to what is about to go on in my mind and my soul. The essence of oneself goes through such a change along side the body that its almost scary to think about, so many examples shoot through my mind, a warrior in a native tribe of an ancestor of mine, my grandfather(s) after their military training before the wars they fought in..I could go on. I'm not trying to liken myself to that level of transformation because the depths of that are far beyond my menial comprehension, but I am so geared up for this one on one battle with myself, even this sick I can't stop smiling.
Call sign Starbuck, out.
Feeling better, begining to form in my mind
The driving force behind this project for me is having a resource to track my progress, the idea, or goal I suppose is having a record of the steps I am taking to satisfy myself. My need for external beauty, and not so much the acceptance of others, but the acceptance of the only critic that matters, myself.
When I graduated high school in 1998, I found myself chubby, uncomfortable in my own skin and feeling desperately different from the beautiful friends I had acquired. I was devastatingly insecure and sad on the inside, in a word I was miserable. The one really good thing I had going for me were a couple super close girl friends who were really active with sports, and the fact that my love of the game of ice hockey kept me close to some guy friends who played for the local team (and for the record I am still and avid if sometimes crazy hockey fan, GO CANUCKS) They suggested we start going to the gym when our friend had practice.
I weighed myself the first day at that gym, I was 18 years old and 153 pounds. Now for the average woman this is only slightly overweight, but for me at 5'6 and 18 years old, its wasn't a comfortable place to be. I can recall losing sleep, tossing and turning, touching my body, poking and prodding at the extra pounds on my small frame, crying myself to sleep and the all time worst part, the self hatred that grew inside me.
It was almost as if I had been in a waking coma about my physical state so oblivious to that fact that eating and drinking non nutritional foods as part of my daily routine, smoking cigarettes, and binge drinking on weekends, not realizing how it was going to affect me.
It was like life whiplash, I was screaming to crawl out of my own skin.
So, I did.
In three months, I lost 30 pounds. I ate cleaner than I ever have before (definitely taking things from one extreme to the next, went from indulging to depriving as too many young women often do) Some days spending upwards of four hours in the gym.
My results were phenomenal, I felt amazing and in the two years I stayed at that rigorous crazy fitness and diet routine, I got what I had always wanted, attention for being beautiful.
By the time I was twenty I was enrolled full time in the kineseology department at a school in Calgary had the start of all my fitness education certifications on my way to my dream of being a major trainer for a professional athletic organization.
Unfortunately, when you are sustaining a full course load and a two hour workout a day on a cup of yogurt and a protein bar with a non fat chai for lunch and breakfast, you seem to get tired a lot.
I hadn't had a menstrual period in over two years, my hair had started to come out in spots, there were dark circles under my eyes and the idea of a regular meal repulsed me so entirely it would make me shudder. I started skipping class, spending school money on nights out with friends, sleeping days away....Eventually developing mono so badly I could hardly roll out of bed at all, crying all day, and leaving the school and the future that had seemed so bright not that long ago.
Still, through all this, I loathed myself, for being weak, sick, for what I still perceived as fat, and now "lazy" my self abuse truly knew no bounds. I still reflect on some of the journals I kept at the time, me writing to myself telling myself I was "gross, pathetic, and always going to be fat and ugly"
It took me literally years to recover, a steady stream of doctors and an amazing mother who knew "something isn't right, this is not my katie" Until one amazing man finally saw in a genetic pattern a disposition for obsessive compulsive disorder, and what led them to my diagnosis of "body dismorphic disorder" info on b.d.d and anorexia nervosa which literally took me five or more years to recover fully from.
Eventually and with more treatment regarding my illness the professionals I worked with also found a genetic precursor for rather serious depression issues on either side of my lineage, and with that we found the root of the triggers to my problem. Major depressive disorder
Come to find out this affects many people in the world, some of the most brilliant and tortured minds of my and generations before me, losing their lives to the silent battle inside themselves. At the time so scary, but amazing, to finally understand that the way I felt about myself was so much deeper than just a ridiculous insecurity. In coming to understand all of these things, in countless books and "coffee dates" with professionals I made so much headway in such a short span of time, it was remarkable, but as this time had passed and I had healed so much, my desire to stay fit, went the way of wind, and I started to almost fear the gym in a sense. It took me some time to find balance, a lot of research on nutrition and one or two complete FUCK ITS! *(which always turned into months of good times and binge drinking and dancing and not giving a shit about anything else) But, when the smoke cleared I was still the same girl, on the quest for answers as to why my journey was going to be a little different from the ones I saw around me. *(and for the record, some of those times when I would succumb to music booze drugs and love, well those were some of the best times of my life, but as is with all things down the rabbit hole, its just isn't living a real life, shes always there to greet you, with cold hands and bad news)
But still, the song remains the same, how do I embrace myself, grow to love myself, accept myself with all my wonderful broken dolly parts, and live a healthful balanced kickass life? So that brings us to now.
Happy, for the most part and since the last check up, totally healthy, more balanced than ever (a good time sure, but not all the time please) but just missing one vital awesome piece, the cherry on top, the way I felt when I was fit, nourished properly and glowing inside and out, thats what this blog is about. I am going to write all the things I feel influence, inspire and affect me on my journey now, many years after. Finally really truly feeling my inspiration comes from the right place, my soul, and my spirit which are the two things about myself I now love most, and the point to this, is even though I am still learning every day how to live in my "meat suit" I truly love and appreciate the very essence of who I am.
When I graduated high school in 1998, I found myself chubby, uncomfortable in my own skin and feeling desperately different from the beautiful friends I had acquired. I was devastatingly insecure and sad on the inside, in a word I was miserable. The one really good thing I had going for me were a couple super close girl friends who were really active with sports, and the fact that my love of the game of ice hockey kept me close to some guy friends who played for the local team (and for the record I am still and avid if sometimes crazy hockey fan, GO CANUCKS) They suggested we start going to the gym when our friend had practice.
I weighed myself the first day at that gym, I was 18 years old and 153 pounds. Now for the average woman this is only slightly overweight, but for me at 5'6 and 18 years old, its wasn't a comfortable place to be. I can recall losing sleep, tossing and turning, touching my body, poking and prodding at the extra pounds on my small frame, crying myself to sleep and the all time worst part, the self hatred that grew inside me.
It was almost as if I had been in a waking coma about my physical state so oblivious to that fact that eating and drinking non nutritional foods as part of my daily routine, smoking cigarettes, and binge drinking on weekends, not realizing how it was going to affect me.
It was like life whiplash, I was screaming to crawl out of my own skin.
So, I did.
In three months, I lost 30 pounds. I ate cleaner than I ever have before (definitely taking things from one extreme to the next, went from indulging to depriving as too many young women often do) Some days spending upwards of four hours in the gym.
My results were phenomenal, I felt amazing and in the two years I stayed at that rigorous crazy fitness and diet routine, I got what I had always wanted, attention for being beautiful.
By the time I was twenty I was enrolled full time in the kineseology department at a school in Calgary had the start of all my fitness education certifications on my way to my dream of being a major trainer for a professional athletic organization.
Unfortunately, when you are sustaining a full course load and a two hour workout a day on a cup of yogurt and a protein bar with a non fat chai for lunch and breakfast, you seem to get tired a lot.
I hadn't had a menstrual period in over two years, my hair had started to come out in spots, there were dark circles under my eyes and the idea of a regular meal repulsed me so entirely it would make me shudder. I started skipping class, spending school money on nights out with friends, sleeping days away....Eventually developing mono so badly I could hardly roll out of bed at all, crying all day, and leaving the school and the future that had seemed so bright not that long ago.
Still, through all this, I loathed myself, for being weak, sick, for what I still perceived as fat, and now "lazy" my self abuse truly knew no bounds. I still reflect on some of the journals I kept at the time, me writing to myself telling myself I was "gross, pathetic, and always going to be fat and ugly"
It took me literally years to recover, a steady stream of doctors and an amazing mother who knew "something isn't right, this is not my katie" Until one amazing man finally saw in a genetic pattern a disposition for obsessive compulsive disorder, and what led them to my diagnosis of "body dismorphic disorder" info on b.d.d and anorexia nervosa which literally took me five or more years to recover fully from.
Eventually and with more treatment regarding my illness the professionals I worked with also found a genetic precursor for rather serious depression issues on either side of my lineage, and with that we found the root of the triggers to my problem. Major depressive disorder
Come to find out this affects many people in the world, some of the most brilliant and tortured minds of my and generations before me, losing their lives to the silent battle inside themselves. At the time so scary, but amazing, to finally understand that the way I felt about myself was so much deeper than just a ridiculous insecurity. In coming to understand all of these things, in countless books and "coffee dates" with professionals I made so much headway in such a short span of time, it was remarkable, but as this time had passed and I had healed so much, my desire to stay fit, went the way of wind, and I started to almost fear the gym in a sense. It took me some time to find balance, a lot of research on nutrition and one or two complete FUCK ITS! *(which always turned into months of good times and binge drinking and dancing and not giving a shit about anything else) But, when the smoke cleared I was still the same girl, on the quest for answers as to why my journey was going to be a little different from the ones I saw around me. *(and for the record, some of those times when I would succumb to music booze drugs and love, well those were some of the best times of my life, but as is with all things down the rabbit hole, its just isn't living a real life, shes always there to greet you, with cold hands and bad news)
But still, the song remains the same, how do I embrace myself, grow to love myself, accept myself with all my wonderful broken dolly parts, and live a healthful balanced kickass life? So that brings us to now.
Happy, for the most part and since the last check up, totally healthy, more balanced than ever (a good time sure, but not all the time please) but just missing one vital awesome piece, the cherry on top, the way I felt when I was fit, nourished properly and glowing inside and out, thats what this blog is about. I am going to write all the things I feel influence, inspire and affect me on my journey now, many years after. Finally really truly feeling my inspiration comes from the right place, my soul, and my spirit which are the two things about myself I now love most, and the point to this, is even though I am still learning every day how to live in my "meat suit" I truly love and appreciate the very essence of who I am.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
The cold from hell
Its been 10 days since my last all night party, and I've spent all of those ten days sick as a dog (damn you boxing day! damn you, but SO MUCH FUN). I'll get into the "party quota" later on when the meat is built on the bone of this project. To say I have a love hate relationship with a good time is nothing short of a lie, but this time, this lingering illness, all hate baby.
The cold/sore throat/stuffy head thing has been rendering me useless, and with all this will for fitness surging through my veins its brutally debilitating. If not for work I wouldn't be leaving the house at all and just sitting here watching the videos from the gym I am about to join.
Check it out, gym Im attending! I'm scared but not, my level of fitness now isn't very good but in the recent past its been pretty awesome so I figure after a few days of burning lungs and loins I'll be addicted, ha!
The cold/sore throat/stuffy head thing has been rendering me useless, and with all this will for fitness surging through my veins its brutally debilitating. If not for work I wouldn't be leaving the house at all and just sitting here watching the videos from the gym I am about to join.
Check it out, gym Im attending! I'm scared but not, my level of fitness now isn't very good but in the recent past its been pretty awesome so I figure after a few days of burning lungs and loins I'll be addicted, ha!
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
All talk, and no....
Whoa, thats not my voice? IS IT? Holy shit, it is? I'm her?!!!! (jesus NO!) the girl that talks a big game and never comes through, wow, ULTRA FUCK THAT.
So no more talk, well, lots more actually just written in places where others can share and grow from my experiences. Where if one person realizes they aren't alone in whatever crap life throws their way, I will be entirely validated.
Why I'm doing this really though is, I want to chronicle my life, and the changes in it. Its the little stuff that makes my life spectacular, my journeys, the people who have taken them with me (and haven't bailed citing irreconcilable differences, and potentially a deep seeded fear of blondes)
In particular I want to talk about health, the varying degrees of such, mental, physical, and emotional, and my personal trials and tribulations with all of the above. Next Monday I am starting a 90 day body challenge, and through this blog I am going to initially share all of the things that go on with that. Having kicked the ass of an eating disorder when I was 20, and living with it creeping in the closet taunting me for all the years after that, fitness and overall wellness is a very personal journey for me, as I believe it is for everyone. Ill talk more about it as I get more and more involved with the development of this blog and more of course about me, because from what I hear, I'm a pretty interesting girl.
So here it is, Hi, I'm Khate, and I want to share with you the things I love, and my journey to try my best, to finally fully love myself. *photo of jenna jameson, one of my inspirations on my journey, i'll get more into that later....
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